I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
