She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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