If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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