Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
