please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
