I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
