Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
