Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
