You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
