I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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