She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
