Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
