I think I am morally bankrupt
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
