just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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