Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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