yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
True strength comes from lack of pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
