just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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