This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
