You're so nebulous sometimes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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