We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
