I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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