i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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