She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
