When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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