Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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