Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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