So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
