I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
