Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
