Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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