I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What a dumb baby whore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
