I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
