I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
