he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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