...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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