I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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