that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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