Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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