Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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