I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
this is an emotional support booty call
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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