mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
