You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
