I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
