Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
