1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
