i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
