it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
