On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
