I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
