i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
