there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
