At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
