I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
