So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
