youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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