just come out here and I will go home with you...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
