Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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