since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Even my vagina gasped.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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