I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
