i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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