In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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