so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
