i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
