yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
