I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just had sex on a roof
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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