I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE IS GR8
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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