I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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