Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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