also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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