I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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