Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
