i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
