the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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