Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
