i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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