so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
there is glitter all over my balls
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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