hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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