i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i would punch a child for taco bell
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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